The Rotherham Bugle

A Rotherham head teacher closed his school, and sent all the children home today, after catching a snow scene window display out of the corner of his eye, and fearing the worst. The head teacher, who cannot be named for spurious reasons took swift and decisive action when he saw what he thought were large snowflakes falling on the playground.

“I know people might say I overreacted” said the relieved head “but I think any twenty-first century nanny-state drone without any backbone or sense of proportion would have done exactly the same thing.  You have to ask yourself what would have happened if this was real snow. It doesn’t bear thinking about.  Nobody would be laughing then. They’d be calling me a hero. You can’t be too careful in the current environment.”

Pupils were sent home anyway, as a precaution, but are expected to be allowed back into school tomorrow, now that the forecast has been thoroughly checked, and the chances of any weather whatsoever have been completely ruled out.

We tried to speak to Lars Peterson, from Rotherham Borough Council, who is responsible for school safety and currently  on secondment from a local authority in Norway. However a spokesperson said she had tried to get a comment from Mr Larson but he literally couldn’t inhale any breath.