The Rotherham Bugle

Following a series of dismal performances, The Rotherham Bugle understands that local Championship side Rotherham United are working on a novel solution to the clubs current woes.

Club manager Alan Stubbs is a big fan of boxing and has taken inspiration for  the idea from the noble art.. Under boxing rules, a bout can be ended early by the management team of a fighter in order to avoid further unnecessary punishment when there is no hope of winning.

Stubbs is understood to have made enquiries to the football league about the possibility of implementing a similar system in future United games. An insider who didn’t wish to be named said “Let’s face it we’re shit. Anything we can do to keep the goals against tally down has to be a good thing.”

Some informal analysis for The Bugle reveals that The Millers would have been well advised to  have thrown in the towel in 80% of games this season before the half time pies were warm. It’s understood that the request to the Football League specifically cites the unnecessary suffering of fans to support the application.

There’s no news of a response yet, but Stubbs was spotted staggering out of Dunelm in Canklow under a pile of fluffy Royal Egyptian specials from their luxury bath collection,  just last week. The club insider we spoke to said they were hoping for a better response than they got from Stubbs’s previous suggestion that opponents should be allowed to declare.

We will monitor progress with interest.