The Rotherham Bugle

A Treeton man who paid over £2,000 to have a ‘testicle lift’ operation, because the left one hung lower than the right, was reeling  this week after learning that they’re supposed to be like that.

Richard Cobbler from Wood Lane, underwent the painful surgery last month after suffering years of mental anguish and acute embarrassment because his balls didn’t hang in a symmetrical fashion. But it was only after flying home from the surgery at the Soryakumin Institute in Bangkok, Thailand that Richard discovered that the arrangement of his testicles was perfectly normal.

“I feel a right idiot,” said-self employed Tiler, Richard 32, who had to break into money he’d set aside for a penis extension to pay for the treatment. “I was talking to a bloke in the checkout queue at Morrisons in Catcliffe who told me that the left testicular vein drains into the left renal vein before draining to the inferior vena cava. The right testicular vein, on the other hand, drains directly into the inferior vena cava. Higher venous pressure from having to make that extra detour causes more blood to flow through the left testicular vein, so the testicle compensates by hanging lower. I can see now I’ve  dropped a right bollock having this done. Well no, I’ve had the left one raised, but you know what I mean.”

We spoke to Dr Max Revenue, the French surgeon who carried out the operation in Thailand and he expressed surprise at Richard’s disappointment, “Well he seemed perfectly  happy when he left here” he said “There’s always a bit of pocket billiards going on after  people have this done, but he looked like he was playing out several frames to a conclusion when I saw him.”  Dr Revenue says he doesn’t want clients to go away disappointed though, and  he’s already  been in touch with Richard to reach a compromise, “I know he wants a penis extension,”  he said “and I  assessed  that job when I levelled out  his clock weights. As a goodwill gesture, I’ve told him I’m going to waive the search fee.”