The Rotherham Bugle

A useless Rotherham borough council office worker says she is able to compensate for her incompetence and general sloth by being  mildly  flirtatious. Natasha Richards, 28, who scrubs up reasonably well, admits that she does a piss  poor job, but survives  by cultivating an atmosphere of ill defined sexual tension in the workplace. “I can get away with murder” she told us  while refreshing her bright red lipstick. “You just leave them thinking ‘maybe…just maybe’, and they overlook the fact that your time keeping is pants and the report you promised is three weeks late.”

Natasha’s boss in the Housing Department,  balding Nigel Jones , 55, agrees “The thing is,” he told us, “when you get to my age, any hint that there might be something in the offing is quite exciting. I know it will never come to anything – and my missus would have my knackers on a skewer anyway  – but I just can’t help myself. We have a fair few mingers working here, and they get treated like shit even though they do a far better job, but Natasha gets preferential treatment, because she looks alright and gives the impression that she might give up her wicket one day. I know she’s having me for the lemon, and she knows I know. It’s just a game. I’m a victim of my gonads.”

Natasha says she’s making hay while the sun shines, “I know I can only get away with this for so long”‘ she told us “I’m getting older and there’ll be someone else coming along soon who’s younger and prettier who knows the right buttons to press. Hopefully I’ll tap off with a rich bloke before I go totally off the boil, and won’t have to worry.”