Man Who Says He’s A Lover Not A Fighter Turns Out To Be Crap At Both
2016-11-30
A Rotherham man who always claims to be a lover not a fighter when anything kicks off, is actually a snivelling coward, it has emerged.
Colin Cocker, 26 has always made the unsubstantiated claim if called upon to back his mates up when there’s a bit of a dust up, but now former girlfriend, Tracey Tongue says it simply isn’t true.
“I was with him for six months” she said while munching a large bag of Pork Scratchings in The Angel On Bridgegate “and if he’s better at shagging than fighting I’m a vegan virgin. I’ve had sneezes last longer.”
And Stacey Hutchins, another former girlfriend of Colin, confirmed Tracey’s account of his performance in the trouser department, but in terms too graphic to recount in a family newspaper. Suffice to say though, our reporter will not be eating any spaghetti or doughnuts any time soon.
Colin’s former best mate Kev Morgan says he speaks for all his friends when he says they’re furious. “When we thought he was a Shagmeister we could respect his reluctance to get stuck in” he said “but now we know he’s hung like a tortoise and yitten, this is really disappointing. He’ll not be doing any loving at all for a while when we catch up with him.”
