Teenagers Know Everything New Survey Reveals
2016-12-16
Teenage children and young adults know way more than their stupid parents it has emerged, and many of them know absolutely everything.
A survey carried out for Smartphone Junkie magazine asked 1,000 15 to 19 year olds whether they knew more than their parents about a whole range of subjects including education, jobs, careers, sex and politics. Almost 85% said they knew way more than their parents about all of these subjects…like, way more…despite being on the planet for less than two decades, a significant proportion of which was spent shitting in nappies and eating everything with a spoon.
“It’s incredible” said Roz Bailey 19, from Wickersley who took part in the survey. “We’re just so clever that we know absolutely everything, unlike our numpty parents who know virtually nothing. I don’t know how they’ve survived up until now. It’s really lucky that we’ve come along at just the right time to help them out.”
Tanya Balls from Smartphone Junkie magazine said the results of the survey were clear cut, but they did throw up a puzzling anomaly. “Although these young people clearly know way more than their parents about everything, this doesn’t appear to have been converted into anything tangible. In fact, the life product of the lot of them combined is sod all. Left to their own devices they’d be quickly reduced to sleeping rough, stealing clothes off washing lines and scavenging for food in take-away skips.”
Tony Bailey, Roz’s father, spoke for many parents we interviewed when he said, “Odd isn’t it? You would think that people who know absolutely everything would have developed some method of feeding clothing and sheltering themselves by mining their own vast data bank of knowledge and wisdom. Apparently not. Maybe knowing everything isn’t as important as we thought.”
