People Have Always Died Experts Reveal
2016-12-29
A spate of high profile celebrity deaths in 2016 has led to concerns that something strange is going on, but now a top doctor has stepped in to reassure the public that it’s all perfectly normal.
“People die every day” said Dr Paul Raymond from the British Medical Council, “It’s part of the natural life cycle. We get older and then drop off the perch at different times depending on a mix of lifestyle, luck and genetics. It’s how it works. Being famous doesn’t protect you from that. You still get to die at some point, even if you’ve had several number one’s, a glittering film career, or eaten a Kangaroos cock on I’m a Celebrity.”
Karen Rodgers from Whiston was having none of it though, when we spoke to her this week as she added a ‘like’ to a thread on Mumsnet headed ‘The shocking truth about celebrity deaths and global warming’. “David Bowie was my hero” she said “and George Michael was younger than me. That can’t be right. And what about Nana out of Royle Family. she wasn’t even a hundred yet. I think it’s some kind of karmic payback for greenhouse gasses, Brexit and Honey G progressing to the latter stages of X Factor. What goes around comes around.”
Dr Raymond disagrees, and offered this robust response. “Everyone who has ever been born and isn’t alive today, has in fact died.” he said. “Nobody banged on about it when John Wayne died, or Frank Sinatra or Marylyn Monroe. Or perhaps they did, but it was mercifully confined to their own front rooms where they couldn’t bore the arse off the rest of us on Internet forums, Twitter and bastard Facebook with their mournful bleating and faux grief about people they didn’t even know. Lilly livered emotionally incontinent snivelling arse wipes, the lot of ’em. They need to get a grip.”
We asked for a comment from the Association of British Undertakers and they confirmed that a lot of people had died before and expected some more to die in the future – some of them celebrities.
