Drink Drive Law Shake Up Planned
2017-01-18
Drink driving is an emotive topic, but if new proposals suggested by a South Yorkshire think tank get the green light, we’ll be seeing a lot more of it from later in the year.
Under current UK law, a driver is deemed to have committed a drink drive offence by having in excess of 80 milligrammes of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood, but under the new rules, drivers would be allowed to drive having consumed any amount of alcohol, with the proviso that they restrict their speed to a maximum of 20 mph, put their hazard warning lights on, and display a magnetic illuminated 18″ flashing penis on their car roof. Tim Daly, spokesman for the think tank, explained a little more about the strategy behind the proposals,
“At the moment the rules are grey and ill defined” he told us “You’re never sure whether you’re over or under the limit once you’ve consumed alcohol. Under our proposal, everyone who’s consumed any amount of alcohol would be restricted to 20mph with hazard lights switched on and illuminated penis displayed. The 20 mph limit is such that even someone who has had a right skinful will be able to maintain control of their vehicle, and the hazard lights and penis alert other road users and pedestrians that the occupant will probably be driving like a knob. Anyone drinking alcohol and not sticking to rules would face an automatic 10 year driving ban and have their car and house crushed.”
The proposals are sure to come under heavy criticism from all sorts of do-gooders, road safety Nazis, and publicity hungry politicians – most of whom will feign outrage, but really just want to be able to have a pint with their Sunday lunch without driving home with a massive phallus on their roof – so we took that as read and didn’t bother to contact any of them.
