Secret Internment Plan For Fly Tippers Revealed
2017-02-14
As fly tipping grows to epidemic proportions in the borough, the Bugle understands that Rotherham Council are working on a radical plan to capture and intern those responsible. It has emerged that work has already started on the camp – to be modelled on the infamous Guantanamo Bay facility in Cuba, on the former site of the somewhat less exotic Manvers Coking Plant near Wath.
A council insider, who asked not to be named, told us that snatch squads are already several weeks into basic training, and are soon to be deployed at notorious tipping sites throughout the area. Anyone caught tipping will be blindfolded and bagged up in old coal sacks before being bundled into the back of transit vans and transported to the site, where they will be detained indefinitely. “I know some woolly liberal types will view locking up and torturing citizens without trial as a bit harsh,” he told us “but none of these scummers are any loss to anyone, so we feel perfectly justified in doing it. What use is a fly tipper? He’ll be crap parent, a useless employee and a shit neighbour. We’re doing everyone a favour.”
A spokesman for the council department responsible for scrotes and scumbags refused to comment specifically on the plans, but did confirm that the tendering process for orange boiler suits and equipment typically used for waterboarding and testicular constriction was nearing completion. He also remained tight lipped on rumours that a similar zero tolerance policy may be extended to dog foulers, litter louts and people who wear tracksuit bottoms with shoes.
