Love Island Cull Plan Hits Trouble
2017-08-07
A plan to execute all applicants for a new TV series hit the buffers last night, after vigorous protests from environmentalists.
Over 80,000 people have applied to take part in the next series of hit ITV2 show, Love Island, which features 32 narcissist, exhibitionist, steroid-bolstered, cosmetically enhanced imbeciles shagging in a villa. A government spokesman revealed last week that there is widespread support for euthanising all next year’s applicants by inviting them to a remote Scottish island and then comprehensively carpet bombing it. “There would be no loss of useful life, a net long term saving for the benefit system and a positive impact on the gene pool.” he told us. “Anyone applying for this shit isn’t worth a wank,” But now environmentalists are claiming that valuable flora and fauna would be lost.
“It isn’t the bombing,” said Julie Bigbody of the Green Planet Alliance, “the plant life can recover from that. But the leakage of thousands of gallons of fake tan, depilatory cream and silicon into the environment would cause devastating damage which could take generations to repair”.
The Rotherham Bugle asked this year’s winners Kem and Amber for a comment but they were busy doing a ‘meet and greet’ session at a Cash Converters in Crewe.
