The Rotherham Bugle

A Brinsworth man says he plans to sue Scandanavian homewares giant IKEA after becoming disorientated and getting lost for over seven hours in the stores one way system last Monday. Eric Bellend (57) claims he feared for his life in the new store near Meadowhall, after losing his bearings somewhere around  the multi-coloured shite beanbag section.

“It was a living nightmare,” said Eric who hit the headlines last year after completing the Marathon des Sables, covering 156 miles across the Sahara Desert in six days, “I only went in for a Fooken bookcase and a Bastod coffee table, but I never got that far. It seemed there was no way out of the place.  Things got really desperate at one point and I was running low on rations when I stumbled across the restaurant. I pleaded with staff for help but they just smiled like idiots and pointed me towards some pickled Herring. How can they treat people like that?”

Eric’s ordeal didn’t end until wife Ida, back at the family home on Crrownhill Road,  became concerned and raised the alarm. It was only then that the store despatched a crack search and rescue team who located an exhausted and dehydrated Eric, slumped on the sofas which seem quite cheap until you want to put a Soden cover on them.

“All I came back with was this” said Eric, holding up a short stubby pencil. “They can shove their meatballs up their arse. I’m seeing my solicitor on Friday morning and I’m  going to sue. I just want my story to serve as a warning to others.”

A spokesperson for IKEA  denied there was a problem .”We’ve been open nearly a week now” she said “and Eric is only the third  person requiring rescue. The vast majority of customers are able to find their way out of the store  before their car batteries have gone flat.”

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