The Rotherham Bugle

Hot on the heals of Pope Francis’s suggestion that the Lord’s Prayer be amended to encompass a more accurate translation of the phrase about temptation, the Archbishop of Canterbury has gone one stage further by demanding a more ‘root and branch’ change. The Archbishop has called for the “stuffy old prayer” to be scrapped altogether and replaced with the lyrics to the 1985  hit, “We are the world’.

“I think choosing a 30-year-old pop song sends a very clear message that we have our finger on the pulse .” said a spokesperson for the Archbishop. “There comes a time when we heed a certain call. Who could argue with that? We don’t expect everyone to sing. Humming along is fine if they don’t know the words.”

The Bugle understands that there were one or two dissenting voices within the Church of England when the changes were first muted but those responsible were told to ‘get with the programme granddad’ by the forward-thinking Archbishop.

We tried to obtain a comment from Lionel Richie or Michael Jackson who wrote the iconic song, but were unsuccesful. Michael Jackson wasn’t answering his phone and a spokesperson for Richie said he was currently away dancing on the ceiling

We Are The World

There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it’s time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can’t go on pretending day by day
That someone, somehow will soon make a change
We are all a part of God’s great big family
And the truth, you know
Love is all we need

We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

Send them your heart so they’ll know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us by turning stones to bread
So we all must lend a helping hand