Barnsley Family To Boycott Traditional Christmas Lunch After Discovering Source Of Vegetables
2017-12-24
A health conscious Barnsley family have vowed to boycott the traditional Christmas lunch this year after making a shocking discovery about the source of the vegetables that go on their plate.
The Postlethwaite Family from Wombwell had always assumed that their sprouts and carrots were created from the same artificial chemical processes that deliver all the other shit they eat throughout the year. But their world was turned upside down when daughter Chantelle accidentally pressed the wrong button on the TV remote while trying to find a Best of Jeremy Kyle Compilation, and ended up on channel showing a programme for people with an IQ above seventy-five.
Speaking through an interpreter who is fluent in Dingle, mum Janice told us what happened next, “It was some sort of farming programme” she said. “We saw people digging sprouts and carrots out of the ground – out of the ******* ground! Where all the worms and snakes have been. It was disgusting. We’d always assumed it was made in a proper clean factory with people wearing white coats and hairnets and that. It was all just been dug up by blokes and women in wellies with muck all over it. There should be a law. We’ll be sticking to oven chips from now on.”
Janice says she the family are so outraged that she intends to campaign to raise awareness of the issue, and hopes to start a petition if she can find enough people locally who know what a vegetable is.
