Local Dickheads Disappointed After Being Asked Not To Visit A&E Unless Absolutely Necessary
2018-01-03
As the annual NHS winter crisis season got into full swing this week, local people with shit for brains were being advised not to visit hospital A&E departments unless absolutely necessary. Some Local NHS users were said to be disappointed and angry last night following the latest directive from Health England.
“I’m gutted,” said Ken Turvey from East Dene, “It’s a day out for me. There’s nothing I like better than sitting on a shitty plastic chair surrounded by pissheads and screaming, vomit-covered kids for 5 hours at a stretch, waiting to be sent home with a couple of Paracetamol. I can’t believe I’m going to have to wait until there’s something properly wrong with me before going down there again. I pay my taxes.”
Brian Nobbs from Wickersley agreed “When I get a bit of a cut or a headache I sometimes consider a plaster or some Aspirin, but then I remember the opportunity to mix with pond life on an industrial scale, which only a visit to A&E can provide, and I’m straight down there for another session. It’s better than the pub. I’ll miss it big time.”
A spokesperson for Rotherham District General refused to comment on rumoured plans to ship anyone turning up at A&E with something not likely to kill them imminently, straight round to the Psychiatric department. He did however, confirm that, in an attempt to nip the problem in the bud once and for all, morons turning up with something trivial will be given a complementary vasectomy, whether they want it or not.
