Turmoil Over Carrillion As Millions Forced To Pretend They’ve Heard Of It.
2018-01-15
The collapse of mega-construction firm Carrillion caused an outbreak of panic Googling this morning as millions of smart-arse know-alls suddenly realised they had no idea what it was.
The company, which went into liquidation last night, employs over 20,000 people in the UK and is the second largest construction company in the country. Despite that, hordes of smart arse know-alls, who have an opinion on everything soon realised they’d vaguely heard of it but didn’t have a Scoobydoo what it did, and started frantically Googling. By mid-morning, many had recovered and were eagerly regurgitating shite they’d read on the internet in an attempt to impress work colleagues who didn’t really care.
“I was worried at first I was going to look a clueless twat,” said Nigel Ponce, a call centre supervisor from Wath “I though it sounded like something vultures feed on, but five minutes on the internet and I had enough information to offer the opinion that the company failure was down to chronic mismanagement, currency fluctuations and delays in overseas payment receipts.”
Nick Rick who works for Nigel said “Nick is a clueless twat. He’s always pretending he knows about stuff like this, but we all know he has to Google everything. I admit I know nothing about Carillion, but it’s got a shit name. I know that much.”
As the Bugle went to press, it was understood that no schools, hospitals or public works will be done again. Ever.
