Public Outcry As Gym Located In Designated Lard Arse Zone
2018-01-26
There were calls for heads to roll at Rotherham Borough Council Planning department last night after a gym and health club was allowed to open in an area frequented by lazy fat bastards.
As our photograph clearly shows, the Anytime Fitness Health Club in Dalton is located sandwiched between KFC, Taco Bell and Costa. It’s an area that has been unofficially designated as a lard arse zone, and yet fit looking men and women of a healthy BMI were openly and brazenly using the area when our reporter visited yesterday.
“This area is a magnet for impressionable salad dodgers,” said one local resident who asked not to be named. “It’s a disgrace that an establishment like this be positioned amongst fast food outlets popular with vulnerable plumpers. I don’t want to use the word ‘grooming’, but it could happen. People could easily get sucked in. One minute they’re munching on a bargain bucket, the next they’re dressed in Lycra dripping on a mat.”
“I’ve seen everything,“ said Tracey Munter from Greasborough as we caught up her as she worked her way through a £500 Taco Bell gift voucher she got for Christmas, “There’s people sweating, there’s people out of breath, I’ve even seen people using Sports Direct trackie bottoms for their intended purpose. It’s disgusting. I know these places have to exist but they should be on an industrial estate somewhere, away from normal people.”
A spokesperson for Anytime Fitness denied any wrongdoing “We’re doing nothing illegal” he told us “We’re simply catering for the needs of a minority of people in the area who don’t dine exclusively on saturated fat. It’s all very discreet. As far as I know, none of our members has approached a lard arse or attempted to lure them in to a body pump session.”
