IKEA Founders Funeral Delayed Due To Missing Allen Key
2018-01-28
Today brought the sad news that IKEA founder, Ingvar Kamprad, has passed away at the grand old age of 91. The Bugle understands that the frugal billionaire had made careful plans for his own funeral, in line with IKEA company values.
On news of his demise, a company employee was to be despatched to an IKEA store in nothing bigger than a VW Golf, and a flat pack coffin was to be inadequately strapped to the roof rack causing anyone following to fear the worst. Once delivered to Kamprad’s mansion, a family member was to be tasked with constructing the coffin from instructions drawn up by someone with only a nodding aquaintance with the local language.
However, the detailed plan fell apart very quickly when the box was opened and the Allen key and several fixings were found to be missing. It’s understood this is the closest Kamprad has come to experiencing the frustrations of his customers. As the Bugle went to press, a close family member was said to be close to having a coronary while on the phone to customer services.
Although the detailed plans for the funeral aren’t yet in the public domain, it’s understood that there will be meatballs and hotdogs at the wake, and a specially designed maze is to be installed at the crematorium with mourners expected to spend at least an hour finding their way to a seat, only to discover on arrival that it’s not nearly as nice as it looked in the funeral directors brochure.
