Couple Found Unconscious On Barnsley Town Centre Bench, ‘Not Russian Spies’.
2018-03-07
A couple found unconscious on a bench in Barnsley town centre yesterday afternoon, are not Russian spies who have fallen victim to a poison attack, it has emerged. A local off-licence proprietor confirmed to The Bugle that they are in fact, Mick and Lillian Piss-Head, a pair of local wino’s who have fallen victim to a 12 pack of White Lightening and some Tenants Extra.
The alarm was raised after a visitor to the town, noticed the couple, slumped and lifeless, and assumed that they had been the victim of some kind of vile attack, similar to the one in Salisbury earlier this week, but locals laughed off the claims. “These two are like that every afternoon,” said Mick Dick, a local market trader, “They’re usually still sleeping it off when I pack up to go home.”
We attempted to approach Mick and Lillian for comment when we found them laid out on the same bench near Peel Parade earlier today, but they hurled foul-mouthed abuse and empty cans at our reporter, who was forced to take refuge in a nearby Cash Converters.
