Prince William Gets Tit On after Being Told He’s Not Going To World Cup
2018-03-15
Prince William got the right tit on last night after learning that he will not be going to the World Cup in Russia. The Aston Villa fan had been looking forward to the trip, which will not now go ahead as part of the retaliatory measures announced by Theresa May following last week’s nerve agent attack in Salisbury.
“He wasn’t happy” said a ginger haired insider who asked not to be named “We’d got the flights booked and everything. He thought he was getting away from the wife and kids for a couple of weeks so he was boiling over. I haven’t seen him that angry since nanny confiscated his Scalextric. He kept saying ‘Danny twatting Welbeck will probably be going, Alex Oxlade shitting Chaimberlain will probably be going, and not me. How can that be right?’ It’s gutting. We’ve been checking out Moscow titty bars on Trip Advisor for months. It’s all been for nothing.”
The Bugle understand that his Royal Highness is considering a number of options to get around the ban, including travelling in the guise of a regular Villa fan. There have been unconfirmed reports of aides checking out dodgy tattoo parlours, prosthetic beer gut manufacturers and elocution teachers who can render an accent totally incomprehensible to anyone further south than Redditch.
