The Rotherham Bugle

Despite her presenting the weather on ITV for several years now, the world is no closer to finding a heterosexual man who has heard a single word of a Lucy Verasamy weather forecast this morning. As far as most male viewers are concerned, she might just as well be reciting nursery rhymes or extracts from the Highway Code.

A Rotherham man, who asked not to be named for fear his wife would find out, spoke for men everywhere when he said  “I try to listen, I really do, but she comes on telly and it just falls apart. I can see her lips moving, so I know she must be saying something, but it just doesn’t register. By the time she does that cheeky pouty smile at the end I’m jolted out of my daze,  and I think …’Shit, I don’t know whether I need sunscreen or a snow shovel.’ It’s a nightmare. I never had this with Bill Giles.”

A spokesperson for ITV weather said they were aware of the problem but denied that it was a deliberate ploy to disguise inaccurate forecasts. “Lucy’s forecasts are laser accurate, “ he said “It’s not our fault if men are too distracted by a warm front and some cumulus rising, to notice.”