Parents were up in arms last night after Arsenal launched their new home ‘Wenger Out’ banner for the 2018-19 season. It’s the eighth home banner in as many seasons, and the twenty seventh all told, if you include versions for all competitions. “It’s an outrage,” said Tony Cockney  from some God-forsaken shithole in North London

A clearly furious Theresa May was overheard threatening to defecate in the handbag of Prince Harry’s fiancé Meghan Markel last night, after the row over the royal wedding invitations escalated. Mrs May was said to be apoplectic after discovering that she’s not even invited to the night do. A Number 10 insider said “Who doesn’t