The Rotherham Bugle

A Rotherham cyclist was rushed to Rotherham District General Hospital yesterday after his left bollock fell off while riding over a particularly rough piece of road in Thurcroft.

Dave Mamillman from Wickersley says it’s the third time the ball has become detached and fallen out through his bib shorts in the last two years. “At first I thought it was just my prostate. ” he told the Bugle as he recovered from a delicate reattachment operation in hospital “You get used to that. But when a passer by picked it up off the road I knew what it was straight away because it’s now the size and consistency of a well used cricket ball.”

Dave blames the condition of local roads for the precarious state of his clockweights but says he won’t be giving up cycling any time soon. “My entire self worth is encapsulated in how many miles I can ride my bike” he told us “and people simply love to hear about it.”

A spokesperson for Rotherham Borough Council was unsympathetic when we asked for a comment this morning. “I’ve got no sympathy” he said “He’s a 55 year-old man still riding a bike. He should get himself a 4×4 with fat tyres instead of gimping about in lycra – the pigeon chested, pipe cleaner armed old twat.”