London Marathon Runners To Be Named And Shamed If They’re Beaten By A Pantomime Horse
2018-04-21
As runners prepared for tomorrow’s London Marathon, they were being warned that they will be named and shamed if they are beaten by someone wearing fancy dress. The Bugle understands that organisers have lost patience with overweight and unfit competitors lumbering around the course at a snails pace, and being overtaken by Gorilla’s, Pantomime Horses and other costumed characters.
“It’s a joke” said an insider “These numbnuts sign up for the marathon and then bore the arse off all their friends about how much training they’re doing and how fit they are. The next thing you know, they’re being overtaken by two nurses from Newcastle carrying a rugby player on a stretcher. We’re going to put a stop to it.”
Our reporter was shown a giant video screen, which is to be positioned at the end of the race. As runners finish, a message will flash up detailing which cartoon characters, animals and buildings of historic interest they’ve been beaten by.
“We think the humiliation of being thrashed by an accountant from Leeds dressed as Tower Bridge will be enough to either disuade them from entering again or encourage them to run faster.” our insider told us. “So it’s win-win either way.”
