Archives for May 2018
Organisers of a clean up operation in Walsall, following this weekends flash floods, say they have drastically scaled down the operation after being shown photographs of what the town looked like before it rained. At first, the clean up team feared it could take at least a month to restore reasonable living conditions to
Tomorrow represents a huge leap forward in tolerance and integration as a fit woman looks set to marry a ginger. If she goes through with it, it will be the first recorded case of a ginger not having to settle for a double bagger since Henry VIII finally copped a looker with Anne Of
England manager Gareth Southgate, left holiday plans in tatters this afternoon, as he announced his world cup squad for Russia. The announcement means that the likes of Gary Cahill and Fabian Delph, who had been looking forward to laying on a Mediterranean beach drinking cocktails, will be forced to play football in some good
Hot on the heels of the publication of two new pages from Anne Frank’s diary this week, containing a handful of dirty jokes and her thoughts on sex written while hiding from the Nazis, there was an even bigger bombshell today with the discovery of Mother Teresa’s porn stash. The nun, missionary and modern-day
Hot on the heals of the revelation that New Look are charging higher prices for larger sized clothing comes news of a new initiative by Ryanair to make flight pricing run more closely in parallel with resource usage. As from next Thursday, alongside the rack for checking the size of hand luggage, passengers will
A banner manufacturer says he faces financial ruin following the departure of Arsene Wenger from Arsenal. Richard Head from north London runs Dick’s Banners and says that the ‘Wenger Out’ banner has been his best seller for the last 10 years, but the Frenchman’s unexpected departure has left his business teetering on the edge.
Sky television staff were preparing for the return of football pundit and arch Grollymeister, Jamie Carragher this morning, after it was rumoured that anger management sessions have paved the way for a lifting of his suspension. The former Liverpool and England defender was suspended from his role back in March, after being filmed spitting into
Hezbollah this morning announced plans to launch a retaliatory song following Israel’s success in this weekends Eurovision song contest in Lisbon, Portugal. A spokesperson for the group confirmed that they are unhappy about Israel’s incursion into European territory, and intend to launch their own offensive. Although plans are at a very early stage, the
Britain’s entry in the 2018 Eurovision Song Contest, Storm by SuRie, surged through to an incredible third last place in Lisbon last night. The stellar performance came on the back of a tidal wave of public sympathy across Europe, following a stage invasion during the singer’s performance. It’s the best result for the UK in living
After intense negotiations, promoters last night announced that the two main contenders for Worlds’ Shittest Haircut have agreed to meet for a decider in Singapore in June. Both camps were tight-lipped today about how they see their chances in the contest jointly sponsored by Husqvarna and Lloyd Loom, and so we spoke to a
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