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2024-12-22

Ryanair To Introduce ‘Buttock Pricing’ As They Take A Lead From New Look


 

Hot on the heals of the revelation that New Look are charging higher prices for larger sized clothing comes news of a new initiative by Ryanair to make flight pricing run more closely in parallel with resource usage.

As from next Thursday, alongside the rack for checking the size of hand luggage, passengers will find another receptacle of slightly smaller dimensions. Dubbed the ArseRack by check-in staff, passengers will be asked to place their buttocks in the device to determine whether their backside falls within single seat guidelines. If it won’t fit in, or there is ‘blubber overspill’ as it is described on the Ryanair website, then the passenger will be given the choice of either paying for an additional seat or travelling in the cargo hold.

A spokesman for Ryanair accepted that not everyone would be happy. “The salad dodgers are going to hate this” he said, “but we have to think of the comfort of all our passengers. If you’ve paid for a seat, it’s just not fair if the passenger next to you initiates a buttock encroachment scenario. They’re effectively stealing arse space from you, and this is our way of redressing the balance.”

We tried to get reaction from some people at Manchester airport this morning, as they waddled towards check -in. There were a number of generously proportioned passengers booked on to the 11.05 flight to Malaga, but they were all either busy ‘taking on fuel’ for the journey, or too out of breath from the hike from the taxi rank, to talk to our reporter.

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