The Rotherham Bugle

England manager Gareth Southgate, left holiday plans in tatters this afternoon, as he announced his world cup squad for Russia. The announcement means that the likes of Gary Cahill and Fabian Delph, who had been looking forward to laying on a Mediterranean beach drinking cocktails, will be forced to play football in some good forsaken Russian shit-hole instead.

“I was hoping and praying I wouldn’t get picked, “ said one player who asked not to be named. “The missus is a supermodel and had booked us a cracking villa in  the south of France with its own golf course and Olympic sized swimming pool. Instead I’m going to sweating my bollocks off chasing after some nippy little Tunisian fella and sharing a room with Harry Bastard Kane. They can shove their caps up their arse.”

As The Bugle went to press, it was being widely reported that Joe Hart is well chuffed after snapping up a busting late cancellation deal  on an entire estate in Mauritius.