Search For Someone Who Gives A Shit About Liam & Cheryl Split Enters Its Second Day
2018-07-02
The search for someone who gives a shit about the split between Liam Paine and Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandez-Bastard-Vercini intensified this morning as it entered its second day. Specially trained gutter journalists and volunteers from the general public have been scouring the universe to find anyone who gives a rats chuff. A fingertip search of the internet has revealed sod all.
“It’s a worrying time for everyone,” said an insider from The Sun newspaper who asked not to be named. “We were hoping to drag this shite out for at least a fortnight, but the fact that we can’t find a single person that gives a stuff means we might have to find something proper to write about. Everyone here is concerned.”
As we went to press, Ladbrokes were offering 6/4 on Cheryl marrying a Chinese newsreader next. “It’s purely a process of elimination,” a spokesperson told The Bugle “We don’t think she’s had one of those yet.”
