The Rotherham Bugle

Young women desperate for more likes and follows on Instagram have been turning to plastic surgeons for help for years.  Breast augmentation, facial fillers and nose jobs are standard fare, but the latest crop of social media junkies are taking the whole thing a stage further by having implants that make them look pregnant.

“My feed was getting a bit stale, said Stacey Slutter from Southend in Essex when we caught up with her browsing baby clothes on Amazon, “I’d already had my tits and bum done and have successfully eliminated any signs of humanity from my face with Botox.  I was looking for something new to liven things up. When your entire self-worth is invested in the number of followers you have, it’s important. At first I thought about getting pregnant, but then somebody pointed out I’d be left with a kid, and baby puke looks shit in photo’s. The advantage of this is I can be pregnant for as long as I want, have it taken out when I get bored, and no mess.”

The operation is the brainchild of cosmetic surgeon Dr Lee Cashman “I got the idea when I took one of Katie Price’s tits out,“ he told us “I didn’t know what to do with it and that’s when I had my lightbulb moment. I’ve done about twenty of these now, including one on a 90-year-old woman who just wanted to be doubly sure of getting a seat on a bus.”

As The Bugle went to press, Stacey was investigating the possibility of a haemorrhoid augmentation procedure. “Lot’s of women get Chalfont’s after giving birth” she said “It could be perfect for when I have the implant out. I don’t think anyone’s done it before so it could be a big follower magnet if I get in first.”