House of Fraser To Launch New Clothing Range For The Scrote-About-Town
2018-08-11
House Of Fraser last night announced that, following the takeover by Sports Direct, the company will be launching a new range of luxury Scrotewear for the 2019 season. The range is expected to include shapeless hoodies, baggy tracky bottoms, and a variety of oversized laceless trainers with primary coloured highlights.
A spokesperson for the company said “We recognise the fact that some of our customers will now be hanging around a better class of street corner, amusement arcade and kebab shop, and this new range reflects that.”
The Bugle understands that this won’t be the only change at House Of Fraser. It’s rumoured that all current sales staff will be replaced by lanky, pasty-faced adolescents called Nathan, stock levels will be quadrupled, and payment points will be moved from their regular positions to the rear of the store so that customers have to fight their way through every piece of shit they sell before paying for a pair of bastard socks.
The company spokesperson was quick to reassure regular customers that although the store will continue to stock a range of fireplaces in its Homewares department, new owner Mike Ashley won’t be allowed anywhere near them.
