The Rotherham Bugle

An extended family of nine from London say they are staying cheerful, despite living entirely off state handouts.

Charlie and Cammie Windsor (both knocking on a bit) live with their extended family in a series of houses, in and around the London area, provided entirely free by the taxpayer.  Charlie, who hasn’t worked since birth, blames “unfortunate genes” for his inactivity. “I’m just waiting for the right opportunity” he told The Bugle “It will come soon, I can feel it.”

Sons Bill and Harry are now also unemployed having left the army on voluntary grounds. “It’s hard to adapt to civvy street” Harry, who recently married an economic migrant told The Bugle. “Especially when you’ve only got two GCSE’s and one of them is woodwork.” Brother Bill has found work a little easier to find but recently left his job as an ambulance driver after his wife gave birth to their third child and he realised there was little point in working. “Don’t blame me, it’s the system” he yelled at  our reporter before roaring off in a vintage Aston Martin.

“I know people will look at us and say we’ve got it easy,” said daughter in law Kate “but they don’t understand the pressures. The world is full of ribbons and they don’t just cut themselves.”