Most Miserable Month Of The Year Ideal For Giving Up Drinking, Says Nobody
2019-01-03
January can be a miserable month for many with shitty weather, dark mornings, and the cost of Christmas still weighing heavily. The next pay cheque can seem a lifetime away. So what better way to really put the bastard tin hat on it, than by getting involved in dry January?
People already on the brink of despair or depression can voluntarily push themselves that little bit closer to the edge by giving up, what for many of them, is the only thing that makes the month bearable – a couple of pints or glasses of wine in an evening.
It’s an enticing prospect that lures millions, but here are some who have questioned the wisdom of Dry January. For a scientific perspective, we approached Professor Tim Gin from south east Barnsley University’s Sciency department “Unless you’re a complete pisshead you’re not going to feel any better, in fact you’ll feel considerably worse as the reality of your miserable existence is brought into sharper focus.” he said “ You won’t live any longer either, although it will almost certainly feel like it. If you want to do something virtuous, do that moustache growing thing instead. It’s less effort and a lot of women round here have a head start.”
As The Bugle went to press, local garage owners reported customers staring longingly at bottles of anti freeze and screen wash.
