UK Warmer Than Somewhere Colder, Confirms Daily Express
2019-02-25
The UK is officially warmer than somewhere where it’s colder today, a third-rate journalist from the Daily Express with nothing better to do has confirmed.
The journalist, who can’t be named for spurious reasons, was on a break between writing stories about immigrants and benefits cheats when his rudimentary sensory system detected that the temperature was slightly higher than normal.
“I knew I was on to something when I was forced to shed my tank top, “ he told The Bugle. “That doesn’t usually happen until May. “Sure enough, when I checked the thermometer, it was a bit warmer than somewhere else that’s usually hotter. It’s my biggest scoop since my piece about how pork sausages are a cure for Alzheimer’s made the front page.”
As The Bugle went to press, there were unconfirmed rumours that the UK was colder than somewhere else as well.
