The Rotherham Bugle

Westminster was said to be in shock this afternoon at the news that the Prime Ministers fleece has announced plans to go solo.

Speaking through its agent, the light blue fleece – which has been virtually inseparable from Mrs May in recent months – said that it was feeling stifled by the relationship, and wished to pursue other opportunities in coarse fishing and woodland litter picking.

A Downing Street spokesman told The Bugle “It’s not as if there’s been any major falling out or anything, but the fleece just felt the time was right to explore new avenues.”

The fleece’s PR agent was quick to scotch rumours that Mrs May’s brief flirtation with an outfit that wouldn’t look right while putting the bins out, is behind the split. “The fleece is happy for the Prime Minister to take advantage of other outdoor clothing options”, he said “but she can’t be arsed.”