Woman Who Says She’s Useless Until She’s Had Her First Coffee Of The Day Is Actually Just Useless.
2019-05-03
A women who says she can’t function until she’s had her first cup of coffee in a morning, is actually just useless it has emerged.
Denise Crapper, 28, says she’ ‘no good for anything’ until she’s had her first skinny latte of the day, but work colleagues have revealed that she’s no good for anything, no matter how much coffee she’s drunk.
“She comes in every morning clutching one of those shitty Styrofoam cups you get from Costa saying she’ll be ‘firing on all cylinders’ when she’s downed it“ said Terry Bell who works with Denise in the admin department of a small electrical wholesaler near Crewe “but she’s only got one cylinder anyway and that’s got the capacity of a biro refill. The only caffeine rush she gets is the one that sends her sprinting off to the bog every ten minutes.”
“I really need the boost a coffee gives me in a morning,” said an unapologetic Denise. “It’s the same with a lot of us high-flying creative types. People like Terry could never hope to understand that.
