How To Be The Perfect Husband
2019-05-26
With divorce rates seemingly ever-increasing, it would seem to make sense to look to a bygone age where marriage was for life. With that in mind, The Bugle has uncovered a guide to being the perfect husband, written for men in the1950’s. In this special feature, we have reproduced it for you below:
Explain things slowly and clearly, repeating if necessary. Remember she’s not as clever as you and it’s not her fault if she doesn’t understand everything the first time you tell her.
Be tolerant if she has a headache and says she doesn’t feel able to perform her duties in the bedroom. Reassure her that it would be perfectly in order for her sister to stand in if she’s not up to it.
Show that you understand the difficulties of being a woman by asking if it’s that time of the month if she is a little less endearing than normal.
Involve her in key decisions. Make her feel useful by allowing her to sniff your socks and underpants to assess their readiness for washing.
Have consideration for her limitations. She has no aptitude for handling money and you should not trouble her with it.
Show your appreciation for her achievements by politely applauding should she produce a particularly impressive bowel movement, for example.
Shield her from the risk of a debilitating hangover by reminding her that she needs to be up early to cook your breakfast.
Show consideration for her feelings. Always leave a forwarding address should gentleman’s entertainment take you away from home for more than a few days.
Compliment her on her ability to complete simple repetitive tasks without sweating profusely or becoming unduly unsightly.
Resist the temptation to help with chores or housework. Don’t forget that it is simple domestic tasks that stop her from becoming fat and unpleasing on the eye. She will thank you in the long run.
On no account ask her opinion on important matters of the day. To be found so completely out of her depth will be embarrassing and humiliating for her. Instead, restrict conversation to mundane subjects such as knitting and the weather where possible.
Compliment her on her appearance should the occasion warrant it. A simple ‘Half decent effort old girl’ can work wonders for both her confidence and contentment.
Avoid telling her where you’ve been and who with. Remember, her brain is smaller than yours and prone to shrinkage. Speculating on your movements will provide vital mental stimulation and give her imagination an all-important workout.
