Couple At Hotel Breakfast Table Still Wrestling With Daily Telegraph
2019-06-27
A middle aged couple from Tunbridge Wells are still wrestling with the Daily Telegraph at a hotel breakfast table in the Cotswolds it can be revealed.
John and Susan Pratt read the tabloid sized Daily Express at home, but in a pathetic attempt to impress fellow guests, they have ordered the Telegraph and have taken it down to breakfast.
“It’s like watching two monkeys attempt to plait jelly.” said one onlooker who asked not to be named. “They’ve got a section each and half the pages are on the floor and the other half are covered in marmalade. It’s pitiful. They’ve eaten nothing.”
The Pratt’s were unrepentant when our reporter caught up with them “It’s fine.” said John “I’m confident we’ll have the whole thing back together again before lunchtime”. “And I might even have made a start on pretending to fill the crossword in” added Susan. “People are impressed. I can tell.”
Research by the Bugle has revealed that 98% of copies of the Daily Telegraph are now sold through country house hotels, with the rest purchased by people who have died.
