An evil bastard insect has admitted that it is planning to really screw up your day. The insect, which can’t be named for entomological reasons has not been seen for about a year. But as the temperatures rose into the 30’s this week, it emerged from Christ knows where and set out to put its

A boring twat is compensating for a total absence of any wit, personality or humour by communicating exclusively via GIF, it has emerged. Nigel Postlethwaite 37, who uses a number of online usernames including CoolDude, RockinIt, and DaBoss says that he used to struggle to get involved in online discussions but that all changed when

Donald Trump was technically correct when he said he doesn’t have a racist bone in his body it has emerged. Experts have revealed that skeletal matter is incapable of  independent sentient thought, let alone distinguishing between subtly different skin tones. “Trump definitely has no racist bones,” said Professor  Dick Flic from The University Of South

There was a major shift in policy this week as Barnsley council announced plans to mark Pride week by decriminalising the wearing of cravats. The local by-law, which dates back to the 1960’s, is punishable with a sentence of up to 500 hours community service, 6 months in jail, or 7 consecutive nights in a

Tory leadership contender Jeremy Hunt has pledged to reintroduce rickets to the UK should he become Prime Minister. The move is likely to play out well with Tory party members who have become increasingly frustrated  by the unbowed nature of the working classes in recent years.  Charles Shite-Head, 104, spoke for a number of members