A Barnsley woman has spoken of her relief this afternoon, after it emerged that the ‘Amazon fires’ she’d heard about are restricted to  870 square miles of Brazilian rainforest,  and  the distribution depot in Doncaster, from where she is expecting a delivery of some hair straightners and a chip pan, is totally unaffected. Sheila Dewitt

Unemployed football manager and professional yokel Ian Holloway, has sensationally waded into the Brexit debate by blaming his ridiculous choice of headwear on the EU. Former QPR, Blackpool and Millwall manager Holloway is regularly seen sporting a trendy flat cap and maintains that there is no way he would make such a twat of himself,