Barnsley Woman Relieved Local Distribution Depot Unaffected By ‘Amazon Fires’
2019-08-21
A Barnsley woman has spoken of her relief this afternoon, after it emerged that the ‘Amazon fires’ she’d heard about are restricted to 870 square miles of Brazilian rainforest, and the distribution depot in Doncaster, from where she is expecting a delivery of some hair straightners and a chip pan, is totally unaffected.
Sheila Dewitt from Wombwell became concerned when, while switching between TV channels, she accidentally landed on a News bulletin and just heard the words ‘Amazon Fire’ before quickly switching over to a programme she’d been looking forward to, in which members of the clergy have their faces tattooed by enthusiastic amateurs.
“I’d been looking forward to the programme, “ she told The Bugle “and got engrossed watching a Priest having love and hate inked onto his eyelids by a welder from Leeds. It was only later when it registered what I’d just heard and I started to panic. You can imagine how relieved I was when I found out it was just some woods in Brazil. I’m expecting my delivery any minute now.”
The Bugle understands that Sheila is launching a petition in protest at the Brazilian government naming one of their rivers after her favourite online retailer. “They shouldn’t be able to do things like this and scare people,” she said “And anyway, why are they even putting something about a fire in the woods on the news? I’m disgusted.”
