A Rotherham man who has already tried golf and cycling is looking for a new hobby with lots of shit to buy, it has emerged. Richard Head, 42, says he has an open mind about what to take on next just so long as there is tons of crap he can buy to max out

President Trump was said to be apoplectic with rage last night, after his troops killed  IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi  before any bugger knew who he was.   Abu Bakr al-Baghdad detonated his own suicide vest following a concerted attack by US air and ground forces last week in northern Syria. “He kept going on about

Professional footballers appear to be taking safety concerns increasingly seriously, and none more so than those at Southampton. The clubs players have now taken the decision to stay away from the ball altogether, following renewed publicity about the dangers inherent in football and its links to dementia. Most of the concern so far, seems to

Prime Minister Boris Johnson denied he had failed to deliver on his promise of an exit from the EU by 31st October last night. Mr Johnson blamed the perception that he had failed on a widespread naive understanding of the nature of time and space, and the illusion of time as a flow. “People are

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn says that he is open to the idea of an early general election, but only after the threat of him becoming Prime Minister is removed once and for all. Speaking after Boris Johnson called for an election to break the Brexit deadlock, Mr Corbyn said he was desperate for a general

Vice-chairman of the ERG group, Mark Francois, was cordoned off by police last night over public safety fears. A half mile exclusion zone was placed around the MP following warnings from experts that he could explode at any minute. The tubby little Englander had started the day in ebullient mood and had even laundered and

Vice chairman of the ERG committee Mark Francois is understood to be so confident of victory in the Brexit vote in parliament this afternoon, that he has laundered his special sock. Those close to the sweaty pot-bellied bell end have revealed that the sock makes regular appearances on occasions where the brits get one over

A middle-aged motorist who regularly uses the A1 feels hopelessly lost in a retail hinterland somewhere between Boundary Mills and Pulse & Cocktails. Ray Vaughan, 55, from Barnsley says he has reached an age where the desire for an anal plug or some climax delay cream may have been overtaken by the need for a

A northerner is still telling everyone he meets the price of a pint of beer in London, three weeks after taking a day trip to the capital. Arthur Brain, 73, from Barnsley, took advantage of a cheap off-peak return trip to ‘that London’ with his wife Gladys last month. After visiting Harrods and buying the

An investigation was under way this morning after a Barnsley-based British athlete disappeared at the first feeding station during the World Athletics Championship marathon in Qatar at the weekend. Tracey Bleak, From Wombwell was already three miles behind the field when she reached the first feeding station at the five mile stage of the race