Tub Of Lard Furious As Ice Sculpture Replaces Boris In Debate
2019-11-29
A tub of lard was said to be furious this morning after Prime Minister Boris Johnson was replaced by a melting ice sculpture when he failed to turn up for a Channel 4 debate on climate change. The lard is understood to have written letters of complaint to both its agent and broadcasting watchdogs.
A spokesperson for the tub of lard told The Bugle “The lard is absolutely livid. There is a longstanding tradition in this country that any corpulent politician who fails to show up for a pre-arranged TV event, is replaced by a tub of semi-soft white fat derived from the fatty parts of a pig. It sees being replaced by a poncey lump of frozen water as an insult to tubs of lard everywhere.”
As The Bugle went to press, there was better news for the tub of lard following reports that Eric Pickles had given backword on a promise to switch on the council Christmas lights in Bingley.
