There was relief followed by despair today for Brits stranded in China following the Coronavirus outbreak, after it emerged that they are to be airlifted to Merseyside. Many of those due on the flight were said to be refusing to board, preferring to take their chances where they are instead. “I thought we were finally

Mark Francois, is set to celebrate the UK’s exit from the EU in style tomorrow night. The portly MP for Rayleigh and Wickford will mark the occassion by wanking into a freshly laundered Union Jack sock in front of a signed photo of Winston Churchill with Rule Britannia blooming out in the background. Francois was

It was like Brexit all revisited on Twitter this morning, as young people took to the social network to express their outrage at the fact that Mrs Brown’s Boys won best comedy at last nights National Television Awards. The programme, which is popular in care homes and sheltered accommodation throughout the land, beat off stiff

There was mass panic in Barnsley this afternoon, after rumours began to circulate that the Coronavirus is spread by drinking gassy Mexican lager out of bottles – often with a bit of lime shoved unceremoniously down the neck. “I knew no good would come of supping that foreign muck” said local rumour-monger Reg Blower as

Mums in the Barnsley area were  being urged to consider putting on an extra pair of pyjamas for the school run this week, as temperatures were forecast to tumble. Fred Chillman from the met office told The Bugle “We’re expecting temperatures close to freezing later this week, even at half nine when the Barnsley mums

A Barnsley man has come out as completely binary and has asked to be addressed by the pronouns Thee and Thy. Pete Postlethump, 47, writing on the Notice Board of The Barnsley & District Cribbage League said, “It’s been a lifelong complete lack of struggle and I am embracing who I am. I’m a bloke.

A Barnsley pensioner was able to hear music and birdsong for the first time in three decades this week, after finally being persuaded to trim his ear hair. Fred Tattylugs, from Wombwell, went deaf 30 years ago at just about the same time as he went bald and decided to grow his ear hair out

A pint of sambuca is now the most popular drink ordered by parents in a Barnsley Wetherspoons, a survey has  revealed. The survey results come in the wake of news that the company are now limiting parents to two alcoholic drinks each if they have their children with them. The chain say that the move

Staff at all the UK national newspapers were enjoying an unexpected week off today as it emerged that all the front pages and main editorial were created by utilising the find and replace functions in Word. The  Coronavirus, which has so far affected about the same number of people you might get in a medium

Barnsley was declared totally safe from the new Coronavirus this afternoon after it emerged that nobody either visits or leaves the town. As concerns about the virus grew, local residents were told they could rest easy. “The chances of anyone catching the virus in Barnsley are practically zero.” said a spokesperson for Health England “Nobody