Revised plan for northern stretch of HS2 leaked
2020-02-12
On the day after the government announced that the Birmingham stretch of HS2 would proceed as planned, the Bugle has obtained leaked documents detailing revised plans for the Northern stretch of the line. Yesterday’s announcement made clear that the details of the northern phase of the project are under review and we are able to reveal today what form that review might take.
“We’re still fully committed to the idea of the link in principle because it perpetuates the lie that we care about anything north of Milton Keynes” an insider revealed “but obviously we don’t, and so spending plans have to reflect that. What we’ve come up with is pretty ingenious. We’re going to use the same old trains, but speed them up by not stopping at any of the shitholes on the route which, let’s face it, nobody wants to go to anyway. And quite frankly, we don’t want them coming down to London either.”
Capacity is also an issue that is being addressed in a novel way. “Instead of adding more trains or more carriages, we’re going to utilise the existing rolling stock more fully.” our insider revealed. “Like they do in India and places like that. It’s the future.”
