Barnsley urged to self-isolate following Dingle outbreak
2020-02-25
Barnsley was being urged to self-isolate this morning as pockets of Dingle were reported to have broken out in some neighbouring towns and villages. The condition, which has so far been confined to the south Yorkshire town is now understood to have spread, with authorities concerned about the source of the outbreak.
Symptoms include replacing vowels in words with random alternatives and an uncontrollable urge to consume pastry based products from a bag in the street. Sufferers may eventually become unable to form romantic relationships with people outside of their own extended family or street.
“It’s too early to talk about a pandemic, but we’re monitoring the situation closely” a spokesperson for Health England told The Bugle. “We’re asking people in the potentially affected areas to monitor friends and relatives closely. If they notice them replacing the letter ‘e’ with ‘i’ in popular words like ‘never’, looking at them with a strange glint in their eye, or displaying unusual cravings for Greggs pasties, they should ring 111 without delay. Anyone suddenly taking to wearing leather shoes with tracksuit bottoms should also be closely monitored.
Once Dingle is contracted, there is a chance of a full recovery, but time is of the essence.”
