Boris Johnson is this morning facing the challenge of balancing the demands of being a new father with his natural inclination to do f*** all after it was announced that his girlfriend is pregnant. The Prime Minister, who hasn’t been seen in public for several weeks, is said to be delighted with the news, but

A Rotherham man who had been thought to be self-isolating as a result of exposure to the Coronavirus, is just being an unsociable bastard it has emerged. Ted Rogers from Bramley hasn’t been seen for two weeks after he reported ‘feeling a bit iffy after talking to an Italian looking fella’ in the local butchers.