Panic buying of toilet rolls down to spineless buggers shitting themselves
2020-03-06
It’s a phenomenon that has puzzled observers for days now – why are people panic buying toilet roll in the wake of the Coronavirus outbreak? There is no shortage and the virus creates no additional need. Well now the truth has emerged – it’s because self-centred gutless tossers are shitting themselves. Behavioural psychologist Professor Ivor Hangup from The University of North West Castleford explained what’s going on.
“The sort of spineless lilly-livered f***** who panic buys at the first sign of a bit of trouble is always going to have a huge yellow streak” he said “So with something like this there’s going to be a tendency for their sphincters to loosen like there’s no tomorrow. When that happens they’re going to hit the bog roll aisle with a vengeance. Simples.”
As The Bugle went to press, supermarket shelves were still empty and The Sun was selling in large numbers in Liverpool for the first time in over 30 years.
