Covid-19 driven out of Glasgow by local virus gangs
2020-03-11
A vicious turf war has resulted in Covid-19 being driven out of Glasgow by ruthless well-established local virus gangs. The Coronavirus strain had been hoping to get a foothold in Scotland’s second city, but established gangs of local virus’s, many of which have been around since Victorian times, had other ideas.
“If there’s anyone going to be f****** up Glaswegians it’s us” one virus who only wanted to be identified as ‘Ballsack Pox’ told The Bugle. “Fact is we’ve done for more people than this Johnny-come-lately has had hot dinners. A properly hard virus comes out of poor sanitary provision coupled with grossly overcrowded living conditions, not some Chinese nob cooking a snake.”
As The Bugle went to press Covid-19 was reported to have been seen fleeing up the M8 towards Edinburgh where the biggest danger it faces is having fun poked at it by impoverished comedians.
