Tight bastard who panic bought toilet roll now panic buying laxatives
2020-03-12
A tight bastard who went out and panic bought 150 toilet rolls is now out panic buying laxatives, it has emerged.
Kenny Clunge, 58, bought the toilet rolls last week when he saw others buying them and thought he might miss out, but now he is sitting looking at a huge pile of ‘Netto budget bum wipe’ which will last beyond Christmas.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time” Kenny told The Bugle “but now I’ve spent all this money and got nothing useful to show for it. The only way forward as far as I can see is to speed up the usage and I’m not going to do that on a diet of Greggs pasties and lard. I’ve cleared the shelves at Boots this morning and looking forward to getting my monies worth.”
As The Bugle went to press, Kenny was becoming aware that buying cheap toilet roll is false economy and wishes he’d saved some of his budget for a nailbrush.
