Just leave us alone we’re f***ing knackered, say dogs
2020-03-21
The nation’s dogs have issued an urgent plea to be left the f**** alone just a few short days into the virtual UK lockdown. Animals that are normally fortunate if they’re allowed outside long enough to finish their shit are now finding themselves forced out for multiple long distance walks.
“I’m just not used to this” one Labrador who asked not to be named told The Bugle. “More often than not I’ve barely cocked my leg and they’re dragging me back in on the three I’m standing on. I’ve got used to laying in front of the radiator and letting out the occasional fart, just to let them know I’m still there. It’s a simple life but I like it. I’ve been out three times already today and I’ve not had my lunch yet. It’s knackering and it’s got to stop.
What action the dogs might take next is unclear. A planned protest march on Downing Street was cancelled last night when the canine organisers realised it would mean more walking.
