Drug cheat shame as 100 lap pensioner tests positive for Sanatogen
2020-04-16
The reputation of a 99 year old war veteran who set out to complete 100 laps of his garden on his Zimmer frame was in tatters this morning after he failed a random drug test. Captain Tom Moore had already raised over £12 million for the NHS, but all that was thrown into doubt when it was revealed that the pensioner had tested positive for Sanatogen.
A spokesperson for the drug testing agency told The Bugle. “I can confirm that we visited a property in Bedfordshire this morning at 6.30am and carried out a random drug test on a senior athlete. The test revealed signs of extensive Sanatogen use. There were also traces of Werthers original and Horlicks in the samples taken. Although these aren’t strictly banned substances, they are known for their performance enhancing properties in the over 80’s.”
The Bugle understands that Moore was also tested for Viagra, but results were inconclusive and evidence is unlikely to stand up should the findings be challenged in court.
